How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
