So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
