You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
