I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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