I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize