we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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