I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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