Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
