I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That accounts for only three of the penises
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
