I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
