Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
