You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
