he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
