I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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