Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes