i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night