WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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