you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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