WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Less talking, more tequila
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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