before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
