I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
