Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
