First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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