girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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