Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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