just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
