At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
