just come out here and I will go home with you...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
