11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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