You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
