His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
