the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ttyl tear gas
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
