It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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