He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
