you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
