ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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