yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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