Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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