I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My vagina is officially offended.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
