I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
