tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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