I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
