I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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