I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
