Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
