tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
