We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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