I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My balls are so social today.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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