Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
