She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
