uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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