Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
