The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
did i just pee glitter
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
