I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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