I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
