i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
whose parrot is this?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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