it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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