Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
