Don't make out with my wife yet
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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