I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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