That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
