its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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