It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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