As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
