Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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