yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
