I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How does one acquire holy water?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
