You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
