Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
