Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
