Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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