Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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