found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
