I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
