If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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